So let me take a few deep breaths before I begin writing this post....
There. Much better. Now I can begin discussing the big What's Next question that everyone in my shoes faces.
The countdown has commenced and there's no turning back now. Graduation, which once was a shining beacon of light far in the distance, has now become a pit of darkness in the foreseeable future (I stole that from Huff Post. I tough it was rather clever). Tick tock tick tock. Two months until crunch time.
Of course, now that my collegiate career is coming to a close I can't help but become a bit nostalgic. College has been an incredible journey full of life changing experiences. I've grown up so much along the way. I've become independent (i.e. I do my own laundry, grocery shopping, make my bed (well, sometimes), cook my own meals and have held a job the majority of my years in college). It has felt good to get out there and experience life on my own.
I will never forget the day when my Dad had to drop me off at college for the first time (see, I told you I'm getting very nostalgic). I had a "mandatory" meeting (I now know that nothing in college is mandatory) about dorm rules and I didn't want to have to say goodbye to my Dad yet, so he sat out in the car for over an hour waiting for me. Once the meeting was over, I headed straight out to the car and sat there with him talking for almost two hours. It started to get late and I knew my Dad would have to get going to make the three hour trip home. I felt as though I was being left at summer camp, which happens to be some weird phobia I have (I just hate the idea of summer camp. Like I don't know why... I just... ugh! No thank you). Anyway, I got out of the car and seriously wondered whether or not I would be able to handle being away from home or not. If you don't know me, then I'll have to tell you I'm a bit of a homebody. Okay, I'm a HUGE homebody. I had serious doubts whether or not I would actually be able to make it at college and be away from home (the most safe and comfortable place on earth). So anyway, I got out of the car and had a good old fashioned cry. I knew I would see my parents again like a week later, but for some reason I felt like I would never see them again. I know it was difficult for my Dad too. He didn't want to leave either.
Needless to say, I've come a long way since that day. I've made it all four years and had some exceptional experiences along the way. By the time I graduate in May, I'll have studied on 3 different continents and traveled to 8 different countries, riding horses all along the way. I've had the honor of serving as the team captain of my collegiate equestrian team and I've enjoyed making friends that I know will be friends for life. Of course, there's been ups and downs along the way. Let's face it, heartbreak sucks but you get back up and keep moving forward.
I've spent the last week and a half coming to the realization that I will soon be facing real life after college. Woah. I mean really, where did the last four years go? I would like to view my impending graduation and departure from Butler not as an ending, but as the setting foundation for the future. In a sense it is the ending of a major chapter in my life, but the beginning of an exciting new chapter in the book. With that said, I have been feeling the pressure to begin planning, or should I say "drafting" and "editing" this new chapter.
My personality is one that likes to have a plan. I don't like to go into things without having all the details and know exactly what to expect. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work like that. You can't always have a plan for everything. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to get everything figured out and have a plan for, well, basically everything. I've also always felt like I know exactly what I'm going to do with my life. However, with my experience here at Summerhill I've become a bit overwhelmed with the possibilities and I'm not quite sure where I fit in yet. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining. It's probably way better to be feeling overwhelmed with the vast number of possible career paths that you can pursue, rather than having not the slightest clue what on earth you want to do.
One thing that I do know for sure is that I am going to graduate and follow the plan God has for my life. While I may not have the slightest clue yet as to what that plan includes for real life after graduation, I will continue on taking it day by day and search for my next adventure.
I will say there appears to be a tentative plan in the works. I've even gotten three rather promising job offers, as I have started the wonderfully fun process of applying for work. All three of the said positions are outside of the U.S. Hmmm.... All I'll say about that for now is we'll see, we'll see.
I do, however, have a general direction that I know I'm heading. This is what I have figured out so far: I want to work with Thoroughbred racehorses (this is the most concrete concept). I want to travel the world (while simultaneously working with racehorses. This is also rather concrete). I love to ride. I perhaps have a talent for writing, albeit it's a bit underdeveloped. So I guess I'm looking at a career as a world-traveling jockey/part-time freelance journalist/ magazine columnist/PR-Communications manager that will eventually retire to work at a stud farm doing... something... somewhere in the world. Well, thats what I've got so far.
I've found that in the past, things tend to sort themselves out with time. I'm confident that this trend will continue (fingers crossed). In the few short months I have left until crunch time, I will continue to make the most of my time here at Summerhill and continue to discover new possibilities. I'll take it a day at a time and not allow myself to become overwhelmed by the pressure of needing to have an answer to the looming question, What's Next?
I'm not exactly sure what the future holds for me, but I'm starting to see the vague skeleton of plan forming. Its a journey and I fully intend to enjoy every moment of it. The ups, the downs and the in-betweens.
Stay tuned...
Bravo, Lorraine, Bravo!!
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